Don't Marry The Church

July 5, 2010

Don’t be married to the church? What? Why would anyone ever blog about that? As a preachers kid I understand this problem in ways I wish I didn’t. As a pastor of 21 years I have not only experienced the effects of this problem in my life, but also helped to promote it in many ways. In my father’s generation, it was widely accepted that the church always came before the family. Why? Somehow his service, to the church, was considered an act of sacrifice and showed real commitment. Anything short of total life sacrifice simply wasn’t true commitment to the high calling of pastor.

I always remember my professor in seminary telling me; “God first, Family second, and Church third.” Sounds good in theory, but when I got into the real world, I soon discovered how truly difficult it was to keep that theory. The demands of the ministry are overwhelming at times. The pressure to succeed, the desire to grow, the need for more money, the promotion of church programs and the like put ever increasing pressures on the back of the pastor. Even our parishioners seem to have a level of expectancy for their paid pastor. Interestingly enough, the medical community has picked up on this phenomenon and labeled the profession of pastor as one of the highest health risks in the nation. Some of you may have learned how to deal with these pressures. However, I dare say the majority of pastors in the church today have not.

Now take the pressures of pastoring an established church and add the pressures of starting one from nothing. The stress and anxiety levels go through the roof. Many planters are goal driven and when their goals are not being met they naturally think; “if I work harder, pray harder and work longer, I will reach the pinnacle of success.” I many ways the planter commits a form of spiritual adultery and exchanges his relationship with his wife and family for a new marriage with the church. This new fledgling church, becomes for many their new mistress.

Donald Joy, a professor at Asbury Theological Seminary, reminded me of this danger today as I was reading Men Under Construction. Joy said, “The church has one husband: Jesus. That’s enough! We can’t have bigamy scandalizing the church. Be the husband of one wife…and Jesus will affirm you for it, but don’t go flirting with His bride.” (page 108) I think that sums it up nicely.

Don’t make the mistake of sacrificing the gift of family with a a new mistress called the church. God’s call to you is to be a Christian first, a spouse and parent second (if married) and a pastor third. The consequences of getting this out of a proper perspective can be catastrophic in more ways than one.

Posted 7/5/2010 in Stephen Gray | 0 Comments - Add Comment